


in exile, seeing you out

by ahale



Series: Song Fics [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Bobby’s In It For A Total Of One Sentence., Hurt/No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Reggie Leaves the Band, Reggie has shitty parents, Reggie needs a hug, and shitty friends, bisexual reggie, but he doesn’t get one, reggie loves luke, ruke - Freeform, sad reggie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27952985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahale/pseuds/ahale
Summary: And Reggie wonders if they’ll even notice he’s gone.[based on exile by taylor swift]
Relationships: Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: Song Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008597
Comments: 27
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

_You’re not my homeland anymore, so what am I defending?_

There’s one thing out of many that Reggie learned from his parents; nothing lasts forever. No matter what happens, good or bad, it’s most likely going to end in shouts and chaos. And those were two things Reggie vowed to avoid.

There was a point in time where his parents were actually happy. Sometimes, Reggie thinks he was the problem. He couldn’t help but wonder if his parents would’ve been happy if he was never born.

It’s why he’s so close to Luke and Alex really. There were nights full of shouting and broken glass that scattered the floor. Luke and Alex kept their windows unlocked, and they kept a blanket and snacks in the studio for when Reggie just needed to get away.

Luke and Alex were his found family. They were always there for him; through the beatings when his dad got a bit too drunk, the screaming his mother threw at him when he brought home a bad grade, and even through the time he tried to fix his amp in the rain like a dumbass. For once, he was convinced nothing would be able to tear them apart. And at first, even death couldn’t split them up.

But then came Julie.

Don’t get him wrong, Reggie absolutely loves Julie. She’s like the younger sister he never had. What he hates, though, is the way she takes up all of Luke’s time. Luke, who Reggie finally came to terms with his feelings for, wouldn’t stop sending Julie gentle looks while Julie couldn’t help it when her face flushed whenever Luke glanced at her. Now, even if he was having a bad day, he’d be blown off for Julie. And maybe this should’ve changed his mind about it lasting forever. But, hey, he still had Alex, right?

Yeah, until Alex had Willie. Willie took up all of Alex’s time when they weren’t practicing. They were always out, sightseeing, screaming in museums, and only God knows what else. Every time Reggie tried to spend time with him, he got a “not now, Reggie.” before he could even get the words out. Luke did the same thing, just not as often. So, he stopped asking.

And yet, he still held onto the small thread that was connecting him to his bandmates, in denial about the fact that it could snap at any second.

_You were my town, now I’m in exile seeing you out._

Soon, they started writing Reggie out of songs. He got less and less solos until there was absolutely nothing left. He isn’t sure if they even realize what they’re doing.

But he has a feeling they do. Can he blame them? He knows he’s a lot to deal with. He’s too loud, too dumb. Hell, they probably would be just fine without him. He’s knows he’s everyone’s least favorites.

Even when they were alive, he was always put second. Luke liked Alex best, and Alex liked Luke best. Bobby was in the middle. Then Alex and Luke started dating, without telling him (and they still thinks he doesn’t know) and he could feel his heartbreak. One became two, if you saw one then the other wasn’t far behind. Then there was the break up.

No matter how hard he tried to be good enough, no matter how hard he begged internally for Luke to pick him. He finally came to the conclusion that, sometimes, he’s not even an option at all.

Now they each have someone, and again, Reggie’s the odd one out. He knows he’s slowly losing his friends to other people, but he’s still holding onto a false sense of hope that maybe things do last forever.

_I think I’ve seen this film before._

He tried. God, did he try.

He tried to be better for them. He shut himself off, laughed at their jokes, stayed out of their way when Julie and Willie were with them. It wasn’t hard when Reggie’s solos went from one every few songs to none at all. Eventually, he just started leaving during practice.

It was after a bad day of flashbacks from his childhood that he realized; nothing lasted forever. He was losing his friends and never even got a chance to say goodbye.

Sometimes he wishes he could die all over again.

He decided to try one last time. They were all in the studio. Willie and Julie there as well. They were paired off doing their own thing when the realization kicked in.

He almost felt like he couldn’t breathe. He wanted to try, just to see. He had hope, and what a false sense of hope that was as he called out to them, “Guys?” His voice was cracking, and he let the tears fall. “Guys, please.”

They barely spared him a glance, either completely oblivious to the face that Reggie was sobbing or just didn’t care enough.

“Not now, Reggie. Okay?” Alex said as he and Willie looked over some magazine Julie gave them.

“Yeah, we’ll talk later.” Luke said, not even looking up from the song Julie and him were writing.

Julie, though. Julie looked up at him, concern crossing her face as she witnessed the sad boy in front of her. It only last for a split second before she gave her attention back to Luke.

And that’s what did it.

“Goodbye, guys. I love you, always.” He whispered it himself, knowing they wouldn’t hear him. He poofed out of the studio, knowing it was the last time he’d ever see it. He wasn’t planning on going back, ever.

Nothing lasts forever. Everything just gives you a false sense of happiness and love. Then, it gets crushed.

Reggie lost his band. Reggie lost his best friends. Reggie lost the only people he had left. He lost his family. He had nothing.

And Reggie wonders if they’ll even notice he’s gone.

_And I didn’t like the ending._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where the realize he’s done and try to get him back.

They realized Reggie wasn't coming back a week later. It took them three days of that week to realize Reggie left.

Julie was pacing the studio while Alex and Luke stared at the bass that seemed out of place now. They each tried to think back to where it all went wrong. The problem is, they didn't have to think back far.

Julie automatically thought back to a week prior when she looked up, seeing Reggie's heartbroken look. Now, she beats herself up for not saying anything. The guys had stressed to her that he wasn't one for attention. He liked to handle things alone, and maybe that was wrong on their part. Family doesn't let family go through rough spots alone, but she didn't want to put him on the spot. She was going to talk to him later that night, when she knew he'd be alone. She never got that chance.

Alex's mind went to the pain in Reggie's voice when he called out to them. They were too into other people to notice then. He thought back to all the times Reggie asked him to stay at the studio instead of going out with Willie in the last couple months, Alex blowing him off every single time. Now, he realizes the days where Reggie seemed off, coming to Luke and him about it only for them to tell him that they'd "talk later." The worst thing about it is that they know what his bad days looks like, yet they didn't even try to help him.

Luke was one second away from breaking down. Reggie was his best friend, their best friend. How could they have let him feel like leaving was his only choice? He's mind was in flashbacks, going through his mind like a broken record. He thought back to the last time he shared a mic with him, to the time he wrote the first song that Reggie wasn't in. He thought back to the look on Reggie's face when he was with Julie. And just like that, it clicked. A part of him always knew, really. The way Reggie's hand would linger after a hug. The way his face flushed when Luke smiled at him. He thought back to every single time Reggie was there for them, and he always was. They didn't return the favor, and now they lost one of the most important parts of them.

"He's not coming back, is he?" Julie sniffled. She was crying at this point.

"No." Alex sighed. "I don't think he is. What did we do guys? How did we even let this happen?"

Julie let out a groan. "We were too wrapped up with other things that we didn't even notice he felt like this. God, he was crying the other day and I didn't even say anything."

"Crying?" Luke finally spoke. "He was crying? How did we not notice?"

"I don't know. It was the day you and I were writing that song. You know what's ironic?" Julie let out a bitter laugh. "That song was about friendship and family. Yet, here we are." She sat on the couch between Alex and Luke, getting tired of pacing the floor.

“Guys, we have to find him.” Luke said, jumping up. “We need to find him. He has no where else to go. He doesn’t know where his parents are, he doesn’t have any family here. He’s alone, which means Caleb could get to him. We have to find him.”

The others agreed. “But how? Where would he even go?” Julie asked.

“There’s a few places I could count.” Alex replied, standing up as well. “But we won’t stop looking until we find him. And then we’ll spend the rest of our afterlife making it up to him.”

Julie let out a sign. “He doesn’t need us making it up to him. This never should’ve happened in the first place. What he needs, is better friends. That’s what we do. We be better and make sure he never feels like he has to leave again.”

Luke nodded, “Let’s go get our boy back.”

Reggie was tired. He never would’ve thought ghosts could get tired, but here he is.

The last week he’s been everywhere. The most reoccurring place is his old neighborhood. He’d sit at one of the empty picnic tables right off the beach and just stare. He’d stare at the water, full of envy at how carefree it looked. He’d stare at the families around, laughing and having a good time. He’d stare at the other people, making guessing what their life could be like into a game.

He searched for his parents. He searched hard, but came up with nothing. He tried to fill the emptiness in his heart by making one-sided conversations with strangers, but it didn’t work. He couldn’t deny what was so true it hurt.

He misses his friends, but he knows they don’t miss him.

He ran into Willie at one point, but ran off before he could make out who it was. He likes Willie, he does. But talking to him when he was so close to the others would make everything he did pointless. Instead, he did what he did in the beginning, he ran.

He ran fast, making his way back to the beach. Instead of siting at a table, he sat in the sand. He was just out of reach from the water, the same spot he used to sit when he was a kid. He let the tears fall, full of grief for his parents and his friends. He doesn’t know where to go from here, but he doesn’t care to figure it out right now.

By the time the others met up back at the studio, it was dark out. They had no luck in finding Reggie, and they looked everywhere. Well, almost everywhere.

“We can’t give up.” Luke said. “He wouldn’t give up on us.”

“I know, but we looked everywhere. Where else could he be?” Alex asked, a bit more force than usual.

“Okay, what about his old house? You visit yours sometimes, Luke. I know he didn’t have the best childhood, but it would be a place to stay?” Julie spoke, hoping she was right.

“Julie, you’re a genius! I don’t know why we didn’t look their first, he has to be there!” Luke beamed at her.

“Well then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” With that, they were running out of the studio.

They were right. As they came up on the beach, they could see the outline of a person sitting by the water. The moon was shining off of his leather jacket, and they knew they had found him.

They walked slowly, not wanting to scare him off. As they got closer, they could hear the small sobs coming from him. It made their heart ache but they figured they deserved it.

Reggie didn’t have to turn around to know who was walking up behind him. He can’t say he’s not surprised, though.

“It’s nice out today, hun?” Alex said cautiously, sitting beside him. Luke sat on the other side while Julie took a seat beside Luke.

Reggie ignored it, looking ahead. He wants to get up, walk away, yell at them to leave him alone, something. Instead, he stares on quietly.

“Reggie, we are so, so sorry.” Julie said quietly. “We never meant to hurt you or make you feel like you had to leave.”

“Yeah. We’ve been so shitty, but I promise you. You mean everything to us. We never should’ve blew you off or stopped paying attention to you.” Luke wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but he stopped himself.

“But you did.” Reggie spoke up after a few seconds. “You did, and that’s all that really matters. Let me ask you this, how long did it take you to notice I left?”

The others sighed, not wanting to answer but they knew they needed to. “Three days.” Alex said, shame deep in his voice.

Reggie let out a sad chuckle. “Then took a week to even come looking for me. You say you care, but do you really? I can’t say I don’t blame you. I know I’m too much, and a lot to handle. And that’s okay. But lying to me to make me feel better isn’t.”

“Reggie, no. No.” Julie moved in front of him so he was looking at her. “We do care. We care so much. We’ve all been busy, but I know that’s not an excuse. You’re our family. We understand if you don’t want to come back, but just know that we love you. This band isn’t a band without you.”

“Is that why you guys kept writing me out of songs, then?” Reggie asked sadly.

“I swear, that wasn’t our intentions, Reg.” Luke said, almost crying.

“Yeah.” Reggie chuckled in disbelief.

“Can you look at me?” Alex spoke up. “Please?”

Reggie looked up, Alex taking in his bloodshot red eyes and tear stained cheeks. “You mean the world to us, and we don’t want to lose you ever again. If you let us, I promise we’ll prove that. You’re our band mate, our best friend, our family. I know words are hard to believe, so let us show you. I promise we will never, ever make you feel like this again. You’re wanted more than you know, and we love you so much.”

“He’s right.” Luke said, sniffling. “We love you, Reg. We promise that we’ll do better. You were always there for us, and we let you down. We will do better.”

Julie grabbed Reggie’s hand, getting his attention. “You might not believe us now, and that’s understandable. But let us show you, okay? Youre a very important part of my life. You’ve helped me in so many ways, and I promise I’ll do the same for you. You’re my family, Reggie. That’s something that’s never going to change.”

Reggie let out a sigh, more tears falling. He thought about it for a minute, and they let him. They know it’s a lot, especially after what they made him feel. Reggie can’t deny that he’s missed him. He also can’t deny that he isn’t sure they’ll keep their promise. But isn’t that what second chances are for? He loves them, no doubt. For once, he let himself feel that love even if it was for a split second before his mind went back into an endless cycle of “they’re lying to you.”

“Okay.” He said quietly.

They sighed in relief. “Thank you.” Luke said, standing up.

The others followed. Reggie looked at each of them. No matter what happened in the past week, he hated seeing his friends so upset and being the cause of it. So, he held open his arms, signaling for a hug. They each held on tightly, and it made them all feel complete.

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
